‘In Your Eyes’ stirred so many emotions when I tried to decide what song would express my feelings about our special day. I felt such a powerful connection to the lyrics and the melody. Selecting this tune to walk down the aisle into my husband’s arms was a simple decision. My husband revealed that once he heard the song as he stood at the altar he knew that the waiting was over. The wedding began as our guest stood to attention, and I glided to my life companion with the music guiding me to my future.
Hearing this snippet from Tim Reynolds excited my memories and heart. I appreciated the Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds collaborative album and immediately gravitated to YouTube to hear the full song. With almost three years under our belt, I still adore this song and feel it was the correct decision for us.
Enjoy, Mr. Reynolds interpretation link and a live version by Peter Gabriel.
I wanted to kick off the new decade with a homage to the past. My husband and I envisioned looks that subtly nodded to the early 1900s and cast a hopeful view of the future. Our celebration was such fun!
I set my look by selecting a cute fascinator. The peacock feathers emanated the beauty of a day as I pose on our back porch. I had my lovely hairstylist, Shirlby Jones, shape my hair with finger waves. My makeup picked up the green and blue tones of the peacock fascinator. I created a daring smoky eye and finished with a fuchsia lip.
My jewelry sparkled in the afternoon sun as I mixed the classic sentiments of pearls layered by blue and clear crystals that hugged my neck. I would be remiss not to showcase my favorite decade amongst all the fun. I jazzed up this reboot with a few bracelets on each arm and fingertipped black lace gloves and unique rings. The fringed, low-hemmed dress allowed me to express my fun and sassy side, while the faux white fur shrug buffed the breezy chill of the late October afternoon. I strutted around in black stripped fishnet thigh-high stockings that my ivory garter belt kept in place while my two-toned white and black strapped short heels completed my look.
Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!
Did you get my good side?
My Neck and My Back! Don’t Forget My Hat!
To the Left! What do I spy with my little eye?
This is too much fun! To the Right!
Burr!!! The Chill Returned!
And Step to the Left and Show those Shoes!
Show a Little or a Lot of leg!
Carmen: A Flapper Socialite!
My husband joined the fun by wearing a gray fedora with a single peacock feather tucked nicely in the brim. A simple grey suit with a black cuffed dress shirt set a perfect canvas for him to take part in the fun. The cufflinks he sported were a gift from me, a pair of silver-toned Mjolnir. Thor, the God of Thunder, would be proud. He accessorized with a long white tie, white spenders and belt, and gray spats to cover his black dress shoes. For extra giggles, we brought out our walking staff to give the day an extra level of Halloween spirit!
A Sorcerer King Out of Time.
How do you like me, now?
Mr. Baylies is on the Scene!
We posed for some fun candid shots then made our way back inside for more Halloween celebrations. We watched the movie, ‘The Monster Squad’, and dined on a menu we curated. Peter recited a few poems from Edgar Allan Poe as we waited for the full moon to rise. The evening ended as we settled down to watch the night college football game. Overall, I must say a memorable day indeed!
Did you set the timer???
A Step in Time, and a Step Together!
Stand Tall!
Ah! The Light! I was not ready!
Party for Two! The menu is prepared!
Date Night approved Roaring 20s Style!
Let the Dining Begin!
A Serene Halloween!A Full Moon is perfectly timed for Halloween Night!
I want to begin. The responsibility to create, express, and write my thoughts weigh heavily. I want to start. I am frustrated and unsure of my footing to proceed. I want to begin. Every day, I face the uncertainty that my fears will manifest, and my dreams will dissipate. I want to start. Hmm, let’s go.
Initially, the goal of this post was to give a progress status of current projects and outline the next few months to come. In a strange roundabout manner, my opening encapsulates my hesitancy. I fundamentally I believe that your story has value and adds to the beautiful tapestry of life. The current climate of the world uncovered foundational flaws that the United States of America still grapples to acknowledge. Whether handling the global spread of COVID – 19, economic upheavals, and racial tensions, the adage, “the struggle continues.” rings true. The hardship of external pressures and stressors in conjunction with internal strife, grief, and fears tends to paralyze and overwhelm. So, before I begin, I must acknowledge a few of my known constraints. The environment taxes the spirit, yet my faith compels me to move forward with purpose.
With this stated, I begin. Six months into the year 2020, I am in awe of the depths of which living an optimistic lifestyle revives the soul, even through hardships.
January began with a renewed appreciation of a mantra that helped me during stressful moments. “Operation: Moving Forward” needed updating with new plateaus and horizons to pursue. I found an interesting quote that added a direction to my course and tone as the year unfolded. “Once you carry your water, you will learn the value of every drop.” Author unknown. The message spoke to appreciation, self-reliance, and time. Since I am not fond of resolutions, planning mode went into full effect. I created a rough outline and vision board goals that I planned to work towards each day.
In February, I supported a local bakery to help the celebration of Valentine’s Day. Since both my husband and I work from home, the delivery service option pleased me and added a beautiful surprise element to the holiday. BullCityCakes presented us with six decadent cupcakes and a delicious bottle of wine to mark the occasion. My husband received the delivery and was overwhelmed by the sentiment. I received a gift from him that exemplified his excellent care and dedication to expressing his love for me and our life. I am awed at how profound true love and consideration can inflame the desire to look for the silver lining and brighter days to come.
Let me pause to express my love of holidays. Everyone’s journey comes with challenges of some kind. In my life, I use holidays to refuel my positive energy and revive my spirit to press to the next goal and horizon. CLB officially observes 19 holidays and special days each year. A productive work-life balance is vital to a fulfilling journey and legacy. Find your passion and expand its potential. Honor your family and friends (as you define). Remember your faith and exercise it.
March 2020 arrived with a fresh look as I continued to wade through the myriad of topics that gripped my heart. The world is overwhelmed by the COVID-19 pandemic. I turned to happier times and worked intently on a special birthday surprise for my Mother-in-law. The project helped me find a center of meditation and clarity as I prepared her gift. My husband and I shared dinner with her and presented her with a surprise. She appreciated it, which made my heart soar. I learned the lesson of taking a moment for yourself through prayer, meditation, and even pampering to find inner joy. Finding a way to share that peace with those around you is paramount to maintain your balance.
The month of April marked another year to celebrate my husband’s birthday. Our original plans changed due to the pandemic. We planned to attend the NC Symphony presentation of Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back. The symphony recreates the movie score and plays the film in the background. However, the global pandemic response measures to limit the number of people gathering caused the symphony to cancel the show. I needed to come up with another way to commemorate his birthday. I lend on the notion that my mother liked to use – celebrate the season.
So, each week of April, I arranged for my guy to receive a birthday gift that he could enjoy even though we were amidst a quarantine. Also, we celebrated the 2020 NFL Draft (Virtually). The apart yet together moment that I felt with other football fans reminded me that human creativity and ingenuity would continue to meet all challenges. While curating a celebratory atmosphere, I organized my thoughts and began the arduous task of outlining the manuscripts that I wanted to produce first with pressing deadlines. Thanks, SMART goals!
The fifth month of 2020 brought flowers and productive nuggets of truth. Although I set strict guidelines, I must remember that slow progress was still progress. I had my directions and instructions that stood as galvanizing forces of motivation. I stepped closer to my goals. With prayer and toiling, I moved forward towards my calling. During May, we celebrated Mother’s Day, and we were able to spend time with our mothers on that Sunday. It felt good to see them. We also took a moment to check on our fathers. Professionally, I wrote more of the story plots I wanted to explore. I felt very encouraged to see it written down. Productivity truly sprung forth with blooms of determination and grit. Essential qualities instilled in us by our parents.
Now, we come to June. With deadlines set, I am excited that the incremental changes and progress revealed promise. Challenges remain as society deals with health issues and racial disparities that are now openly discussed. I am frustrated, yes. I cannot give answers to help with the anger felt over problems that have come to light. I am shocked by the global outreach to the plights. My response brings me to my favorite bible verse. Isiah 40:31 reads, “But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him]Will gain new strength and renew their power; They will lift their wings [and rise close to God] like eagles [rising toward the sun]; They will run and not become weary, They will walk and not grow tired.” (Amplified Bible version). I am the product of my ancestors’ dreams. I owe them to dream as well. I can attempt to move to a better life and be a productive member of society. The struggle continues; however, I remember that love exists; faith is not lip service or a lofty sentiment, and hope is real. The time to work on all levels is now. Let’s Do This!
Mandelbrot set meet Carmen. A fresh artistic twist to a fractal concept. Photo Credit: Peter Baylies and Chris Blue
Returning to academia frightened me. In high school, I excelled in schoolwork; however, my first attempt in the collegiate world, I struggled. I failed to apply focus to my studies. Honestly, I squandered a superb opportunity in scholarship due to indecision, lack of motivation, and stubbornness. Throwing myself into work seemed to fulfill me. I left college and embarked on a journey of real adulthood and living independently.
I survived and carved out a life I could handle. When life handed out disappointments and unexpected challenges, I turned to family for support and returned home. The agreement to my new living status involved holding down a job and on resuming an independent life. I secured employment, rejoined a faith-based church community life, and began a few hobbies.
Sadly, when the calendar turned to my late twenties, I hit a milestone where I faced an illness that awakened my morality awareness. With modern medicine, a large chunk of paid time off, short-term disability, and my savings, I agreed with the doctors the surgery option best suited my health issue. After a successful procedure, I felt terrific and began my road to recovery. I had no physical side effects but failed to consider the mental or emotional impact. Once in my early thirties, the ignored facts screamed that avoidance only hindered progress. As I endured the rigors of addressing the psychological distresses, I decided to take a step back from work and focus on my real recovery.
I learned about boundaries, personal trigger points, and coping tools to handle my stress load. I found goal setting a useful skill to propel me. A fundamental goal I wanted to complete revolved around obtaining a degree past my high school diploma. Even though a massive wave of stress would fill me when I tried to begin the application process, several excuses crept into my consciousness such as: “I am too old!”, “I cannot afford it!” “I failed the first time!”, or “How will I even get there?”. However, when I would close my eyes at night, a much fuller life filled my dreams and empowered me to take the risk.
Durham Technical Community College worked perfectly with my life. With family help, I applied and received an acceptance letter, registered for classes, purchased textbooks, and set a schedule. Starting with part-time status, I completed each course well beyond satisfactory grading. The pleasing scores sparked my desire to complete my tasks and caught the eye of Durham Tech’s scholarship committee. The committee offered me the Dr. John M. and Mary Lou Schwartz Memorial Scholarship, which opened the avenue to take a full semester load and a few steps closer towards graduation. My stepdad, Chris, took a photo of me after the donor’s breakfast hosted by the Durham Tech Foundation. Standing outside of my mother’s house, I pose proudly with the breakfast program.
Almost a year later, my husband, Peter, and I reconnected. Peter and I enjoy discussing different topics. I retold him a story from high school that involved him and fractals. Later that evening, he impressed me by finding this image and applying a new art style. I loved the use of colors and objects in the picture, along with the fractal archetype overlay. With one remastered image, I saw my past, present, and future wrapped in a beautiful collage of dreams from my newly acquainted friend, who would soon be my husband.
As 2018 comes to a close, the hope for 2019 leaps to the forefront. The new year looks bright and hopeful. In the coming year, CLB will prepare for novel publications, blog posts on subject matters that elaborate on themes I want to research and feature in future works, and general updates on future projects and goals. With friends and family support, moving forward in 2019 is the goal.
This year, I want to focus on a word that will propel, inspire, and create hope. Encouragement is the term I want to embrace. In 2019, I want to encourage all to pursue the plans that make your soul sing. I encourage all to do something every day your future self will appreciate. Finally, I encourage all to plan and reflect on small changes.
Closing out a year can be challenging and filled with some doubt and skepticism of what the future holds. I hope you will exercise a sentiment of hope for yourself and your community. If life brings darkness to you, constantly seek the truth of light for yourself, even if the journey means you have to strike a match and light your own path.
I pray you find your purpose and believe in your dreams enough to make those dreams a reality.
