My dad passed away at the age of 71. He was a beautiful soul and a great father. My grief is tremendous. I will speak more of him at a later date. Mr. Herman E. Bullock, you are missed.
https://www.rhgfh.net/obituary/Herman-Bullock
https://www.facebook.com/100002245431698/videos/1448566165627390/
I declared this year for New Year that I would embrace the notion of “Living One’s Extra Life.” Remembering that the only constant in this world is the concept of change inspired me to a challenge. What better way to seize the bull by the horns than by letting out the berry in me?
For most of the pandemic months of 2021, I began following a few content creators on YouTube to pass the time and glean more information. Brad Mondo – a hairstylist and creator, reminded his viewers to live their extra life; he produced a hair color and hair care product line, XMondo. I felt compelled to support and try his semi-permanent berry hair color.
Only, I had one problem. My hair is a very dark brown, and I wanted to make this change myself. So, I journeyed to my favorite beauty supply store to secure bleach, toner, and a few hair accessories to begin my journey to my berry look. I prepared for the transformation with a healthy swig from one of my favorite coffee mugs. And, I got to work!
I must say that I genuinely enjoyed the results. I want to thank Brad Mondo, his staff, all his tutorials, and his care with his product line. I love my new attitude and color for spring and summer. I maintained the firey color change for four months and missed my dark color tremendously. So, in the late days of July, I returned to an even darker shade than my natural state. I still feel more balanced. The moral of the story is, yes, live your extra life and have fun; however, stay true to yourself while being extraordinary!
– Carmen Baylies
Hebrews 12:11
King James version via BibleGateway.com
Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless, afterward, it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.
The Amplified Bible version via BibeGateway.com
For the time being, no discipline brings joy but seems sad and painful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterward, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness [right standing with God and a lifestyle and attitude that seeks conformity to God’s will and purpose].
New Revised Standard
Now, discipline always seems painful rather than pleasant at the time, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those trained by it.
*********************************************************************************
During the summer of 2021, the message behind the Hebrew passage called me to rethink my development, implementation, and process to move forward on my spiritual, enterprising ventures and the human journey. As a child, my family found importance in training and growing our life with a Christian tone. Both of my parents are Christians and never pressured me to join the church. I joined my baptist church while in middle school. The decision came to me, not because of pressure but because I felt I was old enough to make a life decision that I did not take lightly.
I participated in different community projects and church activities and carried my truths forward in my life. I never fell away from being a churchgoer, but when I reached my early twenties, I slacked off in my active nature of participation. Living in my same hometown during my young adulthood, I bumped into my pastor while leaving a bookstore. He asked, ‘If he was going to see me on Sunday?’ I responded, ‘I would attend the next service.’ Holding to my word, I rose early on Sunday, donned my Sunday’s best attire, and headed to the church with coffee in hand.
While in the church service, I felt out of sync. I remembered my commitment when I was an active member. The peace of mind my soul craved to reconnect to that type of purposeful living compelled me to act. I felt worlds apart and needed to figure a few things out on my terms and regain harmony.
I stood up at the altar call to rededicate my life to Christ and began a new journey. I went to every bible study my schedule allowed and carried my bible with me. When I went to lunch or dinner alone, I broke out my bible and notes and began to piece together what I knew when I was young and prepare for thoughtful questions when I fellowshipped with others. I joined the choir to keep myself encouraged.
I was asked once, ‘Why did I go to such lengths?, and ‘What was I trying to prove?’. I smile, now, at the reasons that kept me firmly on my path. As life challenged me physically and mentally, my firm commitment to holding to the promises I knew and learned protected, carried, and comforted me during the strain-filled times and the jubilant moments. My discipline helped me deal with engulfing grief, reassured me of better days, and pressed the notion that my labor was not in vain.
The direction and instruction of my youth clarified the assurances that the tests (obstacles/challenges/joys) are only a part of my testimony. I am still needled, challenged, and doubted; my unwavering faith reminds me to handle the things presented. I am not trying to live a perfect life. I am trying to excel in the promises and dreams. I hope that my goals align with God’s will for my life. If the projects I have constructed fail to find a way to sync with my purpose, I faithfully believe in the correction process and will be mindful to adjust and move towards my calling.
I want to begin. The responsibility to create, express, and write my thoughts weigh heavily. I want to start. I am frustrated and unsure of my footing to proceed. I want to begin. Every day, I face the uncertainty that my fears will manifest, and my dreams will dissipate. I want to start. Hmm, let’s go.
Initially, the goal of this post was to give a progress status of current projects and outline the next few months to come. In a strange roundabout manner, my opening encapsulates my hesitancy. I fundamentally I believe that your story has value and adds to the beautiful tapestry of life. The current climate of the world uncovered foundational flaws that the United States of America still grapples to acknowledge. Whether handling the global spread of COVID – 19, economic upheavals, and racial tensions, the adage, “the struggle continues.” rings true. The hardship of external pressures and stressors in conjunction with internal strife, grief, and fears tends to paralyze and overwhelm. So, before I begin, I must acknowledge a few of my known constraints. The environment taxes the spirit, yet my faith compels me to move forward with purpose.
With this stated, I begin. Six months into the year 2020, I am in awe of the depths of which living an optimistic lifestyle revives the soul, even through hardships.
January began with a renewed appreciation of a mantra that helped me during stressful moments. “Operation: Moving Forward” needed updating with new plateaus and horizons to pursue. I found an interesting quote that added a direction to my course and tone as the year unfolded. “Once you carry your water, you will learn the value of every drop.” Author unknown. The message spoke to appreciation, self-reliance, and time. Since I am not fond of resolutions, planning mode went into full effect. I created a rough outline and vision board goals that I planned to work towards each day.
In February, I supported a local bakery to help the celebration of Valentine’s Day. Since both my husband and I work from home, the delivery service option pleased me and added a beautiful surprise element to the holiday. BullCityCakes presented us with six decadent cupcakes and a delicious bottle of wine to mark the occasion. My husband received the delivery and was overwhelmed by the sentiment. I received a gift from him that exemplified his excellent care and dedication to expressing his love for me and our life. I am awed at how profound true love and consideration can inflame the desire to look for the silver lining and brighter days to come.
Let me pause to express my love of holidays. Everyone’s journey comes with challenges of some kind. In my life, I use holidays to refuel my positive energy and revive my spirit to press to the next goal and horizon. CLB officially observes 19 holidays and special days each year. A productive work-life balance is vital to a fulfilling journey and legacy. Find your passion and expand its potential. Honor your family and friends (as you define). Remember your faith and exercise it.
March 2020 arrived with a fresh look as I continued to wade through the myriad of topics that gripped my heart. The world is overwhelmed by the COVID-19 pandemic. I turned to happier times and worked intently on a special birthday surprise for my Mother-in-law. The project helped me find a center of meditation and clarity as I prepared her gift. My husband and I shared dinner with her and presented her with a surprise. She appreciated it, which made my heart soar. I learned the lesson of taking a moment for yourself through prayer, meditation, and even pampering to find inner joy. Finding a way to share that peace with those around you is paramount to maintain your balance.
The month of April marked another year to celebrate my husband’s birthday. Our original plans changed due to the pandemic. We planned to attend the NC Symphony presentation of Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back. The symphony recreates the movie score and plays the film in the background. However, the global pandemic response measures to limit the number of people gathering caused the symphony to cancel the show. I needed to come up with another way to commemorate his birthday. I lend on the notion that my mother liked to use – celebrate the season.
So, each week of April, I arranged for my guy to receive a birthday gift that he could enjoy even though we were amidst a quarantine. Also, we celebrated the 2020 NFL Draft (Virtually). The apart yet together moment that I felt with other football fans reminded me that human creativity and ingenuity would continue to meet all challenges. While curating a celebratory atmosphere, I organized my thoughts and began the arduous task of outlining the manuscripts that I wanted to produce first with pressing deadlines. Thanks, SMART goals!
The fifth month of 2020 brought flowers and productive nuggets of truth. Although I set strict guidelines, I must remember that slow progress was still progress. I had my directions and instructions that stood as galvanizing forces of motivation. I stepped closer to my goals. With prayer and toiling, I moved forward towards my calling. During May, we celebrated Mother’s Day, and we were able to spend time with our mothers on that Sunday. It felt good to see them. We also took a moment to check on our fathers. Professionally, I wrote more of the story plots I wanted to explore. I felt very encouraged to see it written down. Productivity truly sprung forth with blooms of determination and grit. Essential qualities instilled in us by our parents.
Now, we come to June. With deadlines set, I am excited that the incremental changes and progress revealed promise. Challenges remain as society deals with health issues and racial disparities that are now openly discussed. I am frustrated, yes. I cannot give answers to help with the anger felt over problems that have come to light. I am shocked by the global outreach to the plights. My response brings me to my favorite bible verse. Isiah 40:31 reads, “But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him]Will gain new strength and renew their power; They will lift their wings [and rise close to God] like eagles [rising toward the sun]; They will run and not become weary, They will walk and not grow tired.” (Amplified Bible version). I am the product of my ancestors’ dreams. I owe them to dream as well. I can attempt to move to a better life and be a productive member of society. The struggle continues; however, I remember that love exists; faith is not lip service or a lofty sentiment, and hope is real. The time to work on all levels is now. Let’s Do This!
Returning to academia frightened me. In high school, I excelled in schoolwork; however, my first attempt in the collegiate world, I struggled. I failed to apply focus to my studies. Honestly, I squandered a superb opportunity in scholarship due to indecision, lack of motivation, and stubbornness. Throwing myself into work seemed to fulfill me. I left college and embarked on a journey of real adulthood and living independently.
I survived and carved out a life I could handle. When life handed out disappointments and unexpected challenges, I turned to family for support and returned home. The agreement to my new living status involved holding down a job and on resuming an independent life. I secured employment, rejoined a faith-based church community life, and began a few hobbies.
Sadly, when the calendar turned to my late twenties, I hit a milestone where I faced an illness that awakened my morality awareness. With modern medicine, a large chunk of paid time off, short-term disability, and my savings, I agreed with the doctors the surgery option best suited my health issue. After a successful procedure, I felt terrific and began my road to recovery. I had no physical side effects but failed to consider the mental or emotional impact. Once in my early thirties, the ignored facts screamed that avoidance only hindered progress. As I endured the rigors of addressing the psychological distresses, I decided to take a step back from work and focus on my real recovery.
I learned about boundaries, personal trigger points, and coping tools to handle my stress load. I found goal setting a useful skill to propel me. A fundamental goal I wanted to complete revolved around obtaining a degree past my high school diploma. Even though a massive wave of stress would fill me when I tried to begin the application process, several excuses crept into my consciousness such as: “I am too old!”, “I cannot afford it!” “I failed the first time!”, or “How will I even get there?”. However, when I would close my eyes at night, a much fuller life filled my dreams and empowered me to take the risk.
Durham Technical Community College worked perfectly with my life. With family help, I applied and received an acceptance letter, registered for classes, purchased textbooks, and set a schedule. Starting with part-time status, I completed each course well beyond satisfactory grading. The pleasing scores sparked my desire to complete my tasks and caught the eye of Durham Tech’s scholarship committee. The committee offered me the Dr. John M. and Mary Lou Schwartz Memorial Scholarship, which opened the avenue to take a full semester load and a few steps closer towards graduation. My stepdad, Chris, took a photo of me after the donor’s breakfast hosted by the Durham Tech Foundation. Standing outside of my mother’s house, I pose proudly with the breakfast program.
Almost a year later, my husband, Peter, and I reconnected. Peter and I enjoy discussing different topics. I retold him a story from high school that involved him and fractals. Later that evening, he impressed me by finding this image and applying a new art style. I loved the use of colors and objects in the picture, along with the fractal archetype overlay. With one remastered image, I saw my past, present, and future wrapped in a beautiful collage of dreams from my newly acquainted friend, who would soon be my husband.
